I've written about this before and unfortunately, I'm writing about it again. Incredibly, the same person who inspired the original post is responsible for this one as well even though I've talked to her about it asked her to not use the offending phrase.
Why don't people get it? Why don't they understand that saying:
"it doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's healthy"
is a horrible horrible thing to say? Especially when you're saying it to a parent of a child born with a disability!!
The "as long as" bit implies that IF the baby isn't healthy, it's unacceptable and something no one would ever want. It's equivalent to saying "we don't care what sex it is, as long as it's not sick or handicapped".
It could be that I'm just really sensitive today because I attended Part 2 of 3 of Kasia's developmental assessment this morning. The aim of it is to determine whether or not she is Globally Developmentally Delayed - a diagnosis that seems to be an apparent slam dunk. It's one thing to know your child is delayed, but it's quite another to have it clearly laid out for you in charts and test results. It's painful. Did I think I was going to hear that my child was developmentally average? Of course not, but for some reason, hearing that she isn't squeezed at my heart until tears started to spill from my eyes. Sometimes a person just needs to cry and this was one of those times.
After that kind of morning, who could blame me for being a little touchy?
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2 comments:
Oh, wow. I thought I was alone in thinking that way! We chose to keep a baby who wasn't "healthy" but kept his birth defects a secret until after he was born. Every time someone said that to me, it was like a stab in the heart. Now when I hear it, I just take a deep breath. I think their intentions are good; it's just a boneheaded thing to say.
As for evaluations, I hear you!! I always feel sad after because I keep hoping they're going to say, "Oh! He doesn't need us anymore!" I *know* we're lucky that he gets so much help. I just can't help but sometimes wish that he didn't need it at all.
You're right Julia - I know that it's just a stupid saying that's been tossed around for a hundred years and that people don't intend to hurt by saying it. It does hurt though and that's why I always speak up about it now. I'm like a vigilante against stupid & insensitive sayings I guess!
And yeah, the evaluations are a double edged sword aren't they? Happy to be getting the services, not so happy that your child actually needs the services.
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