I've just got to rant about this:
I was talking to a woman today about her daughter who is currently expecting her second baby. When I asked if she was going to find out the baby's sex, she replied:
"Oh no, it doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl.....as long as it's healthy."
I snapped. I know we've all heard that saying, and most of us have probably used it ourselves, but I HATE IT!!!!
As I explained to this poor, unsuspecting woman, saying that to ME was like saying to a mother of a green-eyed child, "Oh no, it doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl....as long as it doesn't have green eyes."
Unfortunately, I explained, some of us don't get healthy babies, but we still love them. We still cherish them and we still wouldn't trade them for anything. Sure, nobody actually wants to have a baby that's not perfectly healthy, but if you do, you do. You can say "as long as" as many times as you want, and it won't make it any different.
I find that little quip that seems to roll off of everyone's tongue to be SO offensive. Sometimes I find myself wondering if I'm not just a bit too oversensitive these days - it is entirely possible.
And like today, I often find myself trying to educate the masses one by one on what not to say. I actually had to tell someone recently: "Don't ever use the "r" word around me again. If you're mad and need to call someone a bad name, I'll be happy to provide you with a lengthy list of swear words I've just now called you in my own head."
Sometimes unleashing on the unsuspecting can turn around even the worst day!
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3 comments:
Hi Kara,
I have to confess that I am one of those people who spouts those words "as long as it's healthy".
After reading your blog I realize that you are so RIGHT to feel that way. And if it's of any consolation to you, I promise that I will NEVER use that phrase again!
We love our children no matter what! We have perfect unconditional love for our child
and that is what matters the most .
The next time I hear someone say "as long as it's healthy" you can be sure that I will ask them......so, you won't love your baby if it's not born healthy?
Bennett's grandmother
I've been thinking a lot about your post and you're right in a few ways about that comment. As we know, they're lying when they say that anyway. Do you remember that article you brought in? They don't just want a health baby - they want a perfect baby.
Coming from my background - 6 years of infertility and a horrible car accident, I can tell you that I really WANTED a live, human baby. I was HOPING for a healthy baby.
Are you being too sensitive - maybe a bit. But have you earned the right? YES. I think we all have to be a little more careful about what we say and who we say it to. Those quick, generic responses aren't always appropriate and can be very hurtful. (Don't even get me started on the "meant to be" thing.)
Anyway - great post - you made me think!
I know what you mean about "healthy". Someone once said to me that adopting a child wasn't the same as having your own. They didn't know that my daughter was conceived using donor eggs.
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