As I "get out there" more and more these days with Kasia, it becomes exceedingly obvious how much easier it is to be around people that are like us. Those of us who's kids have "something more". "Some mothers get babies with conditions they can't pronounce, a spine that didn't fuse, a missing chromosome or a palate that didn't close." - Lori Borgman (I'll post her entire article at some point)
Yesterday we spent the day with some family we haven't seen in quite a while. Unfortunately for them, none of their kids or grandkids have "something more". I had actually enjoyed a fairly nice day and during the last part of dinner I was telling a story of how on a recent shopping trip I had noticed a young boy coyly peeking out from behind the aisles at Kasia in her stroller. Later on, and behind us at the register, he tapped his mom on the leg and drew her attention to Kasia. "Oh!, she said, "What a pretty little girl! Did you say hi?" He immediately clung to her leg like a baby monkey and played shy.
At this point in the story I commented on how I find that most boys of that age group (5-7 years old) are very shy and even scared of Kasia because she's so........
And that's when someone jumped in and said, "so different".
I'm sure that it would've hurt less had someone just plunged a steak knife right into my heart, because what I was actually going to say was "so small". I find the boys are scared of her because she's so small and so fearless...she'll just walk right up to them and get in their faces. Different wasn't really a word that belonged in that story at all.
But instead of making a big scene and getting all beligerant and crazy, I deflated, quickly finished eating and made a hasty exit. Luckily Kasia was miserably cranky and gave me a good excuse to hit the door.
Having thought about it last night, I know that the comment wasn't meant to be hurtful, but at the same time it made it clear to me that that is how they see Kasia. Different.
I see my daughter as a miracle - sent to me on a mission to make me a better human being. Most days I feel like I don't deserve a child as wonderful as she is, but that part of her job is to make me worthy of being her mother. So I guess she is different than other kids - too bad for those other parents who will never know what they're missing.
We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take us or spare us. ~Marcel Proust
Why this blog?
Talking about things is not always easy, so I started this blog as a way to tell our story and keep people updated on how Kasia is doing.
Feel free to add your own comments, questions, updates
or random thoughts.
Feel free to add your own comments, questions, updates
or random thoughts.
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7 comments:
We are Bennett Radey's Mummu and Poppa.
He is our #1 grandson and because he is a part of our family he is extra special to us.
Everyday we sing his praises and give thanks for his life that inter twines on all levels with ours.
Everything that he does is such an accomplishment.
Life is a gift.
Each breath is a reward - that we are all allowed to move forward and enjoy in joy!
For each of us our milestones are different and we learn (day by day) to accept them as they come.
Bennett is a 'God Blessed Child' and we are 'God Blessed Grandparents' for loving him.
We wish all families and extended families with special needs children given to them to love to stop and smell the roses because they are certainly out there just waiting for your visit.
Although life can be more difficult for some, all life is priceless and has a deeper purpose!
Take care and God Bless!
Keith and Aline Radey
Mummu & Poppa, you are so sweet. I've read a lot of your comments on Barbara's blog and often thought about how lucky Bennett is to have two sets of grandparents that are such a positive presence in his life.
I hope that everyone who reads your comment here really stops and thinks about it.
Thanks for leaving such nice words for me.
Kara
Ah...the things people say. Sadly most people have no idea the hurt their words can cause. Your post had me in tears. When I think of Kasia a lot of words come to mind but "different" isn't one of them. I think of funny, freakin cute and fearless. Hopefully these three "f"s will get her through and for those who don't agree, well I can think of another "f" for them.
We haven't had too many comments yet but I know we will. I often try to imagine how I'll react. Mostly it involves spectacular slow motion moves seen originally in the Matrix.
Hang in there. You're absolutely right - some people have no idea what they're missing. I'm just glad that I haven't "missed out" on Kaisa!
Hi Kara,
we are Bennett's other grandparents. To us Bennett is Bennett, handicaped or not. "Handicaped" is not the first thing we see when we look at him. We see a grandson, that to us, is perfect and that we will love unconditionally every day of our lives, just like every child in the world should be loved. I get the feeling, lol, that Kaisa is loved like that too, and well she should be! She is beautiful and those eyes are something else!
I have only cried at one blog and of course that was Barbara's, now I have to include yours. Life can throw us some horrible and scrary situations, however, on the whole, life can and is wonderful. It's just that sometimes you really have to look hard to see the good stuff when the bad seems to be squeasing all the good stuff out of your mind and out of your heart. Just hang on!
I loved the pictures of Bennett and Kaisa. Those are good memories, and you can count on more great memrories.
My gosh. I think that I've just preacehd at you. I didn't mean to. Honest.
Hi Kara,
It's Barabara's mother. I got distracted and forgot to sign my name. Duhhhn! So here it is.
Hugs,
Suzanne
Passion makes the world go round and love makes it a better place!
It is a better place we are in -sharing our 'specialnesses' and 'differences'. However you look upon life, love is what counts. With love we can help conquer many trials.
Thank the heavens for the gift of this sweet life, Kasia, and for the wisdom of those who've helped us see it more clearly.
Love and Prayers
Mummu and Poppa
Barbara, I hope that you don't ever have to suffer those awful comments. It's not something that I've gotten used to - it seems to always take me by surprise and leave me shocked and unable to even speak, let alone come up with a scathing reply.
Suzanne, thank you for your comments - and don't worry, it wasn't at all preachy! I'm touched that you would take the time to read my blog. It's certainly not my intention to write a "sad blog", but some days there are moments that are sad and it definately seems to helps to write it down and sort out my feelings. It also helps to know that there are actually people out there who would accept my beautiful daughter as she is and even rejoice in her differences!
Luckily, for every one negative person we encounter, we meet five that make up for it!
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