Healing

From reading some other blogs, I happened upon the TherExtras, where Barbara is running a blog carnival on the topic of Healing. I thought it was a really good idea.... to write on a topic that would make me confront my feelings and reflect on how far I've come.


[Those of you that know me well, know that one of my great loves is poetry. I write it in times of happiness and in times of sorrow. It helps me to sort out my feelings and gives me an outlet to pour out my emotions, so it comes as no real surprise that I chose to put down my thoughts on Healing in the form of a poem.

Those of you that didn't know, now know what a huge nerd I am. The secret was bound to escape sooner or later. On the bright side, I think we should all breath a collective sigh of relief that I chose to express my feelings through poetry and not interpretive dance.]

A couple of things I have to say first: Being the parent of a child with special needs, has not made me a saint or a hero or a perfect mother. Following Kasia's diagnosis, I had a lot of anger towards everything and everyone....including her. I can't tell you that I embraced my situation from day one and went right back to living a normal, happy life. I absolutely didn't. It's taken a god awful long time to get here, but it's been worth it. Kasia has taken me places I never would have imagined, and together we've seen miracles. Because of her, I've met so many special people. How could I now consider myself anything but the luckiest mother in the world?




Restoration of a Soul

Healing is a thing that I found very hard to do.
The early days were fraught with deep despair and anger too.
Sadness had me in it's grip and would not let me go,
And Anger & Resentment were a constant nagging foe.


Such questions swirled around my brain like What? and Who? and Why?
Home Come? would often follow and What If? would be nearby.
But answers never came and so my questions lingered there,
And hung around and clung to me like smoke curls in the air.


Those days I found it difficult to live inside my skin,
And wanted nothing more than for a towel to throw in.
I looked upon my daughter as the cause of all my pain,
Envisioning the things in life she never would attain.


Like holding up her head, or reaching out to grab a ball,
Smiling, rolling, sitting up, or learning how to crawl.
These things seemed so unlikely for a child with such mistakes,
On genes with missing data lost forever in their breaks.


But slowly came acceptance for this child that I had made,
Beautiful and strong and with development delayed.
Haunting eyes and silky wisps of golden coloured hair,
A lack of muscle tone but personality to spare.


Then joy replaced the sadness when I looked upon her face,
And tiny gains were cause for celebration, not disgrace.
This child of mine, so special, such a wonder to behold,
The greatest gift, to walk with her and watch her life unfold.


Accepting her for who she is has helped to heal my heart,
And letting others in to help has also done it's part.
The best advice I ever got: to take it day by day,
Indeed, the road's been long with many twists along the way.


From shock, denial, anger, grief, and overwhelming hurt,
Each step was necessary on this path towards rebirth.
So now I've come to realize how much I've truly grown,
Become the kind of woman not afraid to stand alone,
And say "This is my child!" and with her standing at my side,
Be filled with nothing less than endless love and patent pride.



Kara